


Sleigh Ride

by Grey_wonderer



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-01 03:54:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 10,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2758625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grey_wonderer/pseuds/Grey_wonderer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of Tribbles (300-word fictions) that connect together to form a story about a gathering at Pippin and Diamond's home after the Quest.  These were posted individually but together they tell a story.  Some will make very little sense if read alone.  Each has the original posting notes from 2009 at the top.  Saying more would be telling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sleigh Ride

**Author's Note:**

> This series of Tribbles was written in response to a set of prompts posted to the Live Journal site, "No Trouble with Tribbles". The prompts were called the Winter Prompts and were set forth by Leaflet and Semyaza in December of 2008. All of the Tribbles in this set were originally posted to the "No Trouble with Tribbles" site. The prompts are as follows:
> 
>  
> 
> 1\. Cloak 2. Ice 3. Candle 4. Quilt 5. Pudding  
> 6\. Bell 7. Nightcap 8. Hush 9. Feast 10. Bare  
> 11\. Slippers 12. Toast 13. Hibernate 14. Sled 15. Stark  
> 16\. Porridge 17. Freeze 18. Mittens 19. Frostbite 20. Parcel  
> 21\. Dance 22. Cough 23. Treat 24. Fever 25. Bedridden  
> 26\. Guest 27. Fur 28. Crimson 29. White 30. Dormant
> 
> This series was written for amusement and the characters are all the property of J.R.R. Tolkien. The silliness is mine. This fiction contains adult subject matter and sex and is mostly likely not entirely faithful to the canon. This was not beta'd either so all mistakes, along with the previously mentioned silliness, are mine.
> 
> Thank you,
> 
> GW 12-12-2014

** Title: ** Sleigh Ride  
 **Rating:** PG   
**Pairing:** Pippin/Diamond (Merry and Estella are also in the story)  
 **Prompt:** It might spoil it if I list it here so it's listed at the end of the story.  
 **Author's Note:** Please, after you read this, don't throw anything large.  It's New Year's Day and for all you know I could have been drunk when I wrote this.  
  
 **([Collapse](http://troubledtribble.livejournal.com/13086.html#cutid1)  )**

“I hope you like it.  It’s a sleigh bed,” Pippin announced.  “It’s hand-carved and came all the way from Dale.”  He watched as she ran a finger over the scroll work and smiled at him.

“A sleigh bed?” Diamond asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

“Because of its shape,” Pippin explained.  “See, it looks a wee bit like a sleigh, without the runners of course and no ponies but still...”

She began unbuttoning her dress.  “I feel like a sleigh ride.  How about you?”

Grinning broadly, Pippin began to undress.

*****  
Later:

She put her arms around his waist.  “Are you up for a sleigh ride?”

Pippin laughed.  “Always.”

*****  
And again later:

“I was looking out the window and I thought I saw a bit of snow,” Diamond teased.

“I’ll ready the sleigh then, shall I?” Pippin asked and they hurried off to the bedroom.

*****  
“More tea?” Pippin asked holding the kettle up.

“I’ll have a bit more,” Estella said.

Pippin limped over and poured more into her cup.  “Merry?”

“No, I’ll finish this cup and then it’s off to bed for me and my lass.” Merry winked at Estella.

Diamond yawned.  “We should be getting to bed as well, darling,” she said smiling at Pippin.

Pippin looked as if some of his tea might have gone down the wrong way.  “So soon?”

“Don’t let us keep you,” Estella said. 

“We’ll just say good night then,” Diamond said sweetly wrapping an arm about Pippin’s waist.

After the Tooks left, Estella whispered, “Is Pippin all right?  He’s limping.”

“He’s been in bed all week.  Too many sleigh rides,” Merry smirked.

“What?  There’s been no snow this year,” Estella frowned.

“Pippin bought Diamond a sleigh bed for Yule,” Merry smiled.  “And as he tells it, he’s been bedridden ever since.”

 

 

GW   01-01-2009

(The prompt is number 25 from the 'Winter' grouping.  BEDRIDDEN.)

 


	2. A Room With A View

** Title: ** A Room With A View  
 **Rating:** PG   
**Pairing:** none really  
 **Prompt:** Bare  
 **Author's Note:** If you read "Sleigh Ride" then this follows that one, but if you didn't read "Sleigh Ride" then this will still make sense on its own.  Clever, right?  
  
 **([Collapse](http://troubledtribble.livejournal.com/13342.html#cutid1)  )**

Pippin hurried into the kitchen, shivering from the cold night air.  Most of the fires in the smial had gone out long ago.   He leaned over and reached into the cupboard to get a bottle of brandy.

“*This* is a view I could have done without,” Merry said sarcastically.

Startled, Pippin stood up quickly placing the bottle of brandy over his privates while backing his bum up against the cupboard.  “M-M-Merrry!  W-What are you doing here?”

“You mean besides looking at your bare bum?” Merry asked amused.

“It’s very late!” Pippin said in a scolding tone.  “I thought you and Estella were asleep.”

“We were,” Merry said.  “I got hungry and decided to come down and for some of Diamond’s honey bread.  I didn’t know there was going to be a show.”

Pippin blushed.  “I forgot you were here,” he mumbled.

“Apparently.”

“Diamond wanted brandy,” Pippin sighed.  “I came into the kitchen to get it.”

“You really should have one of the females in your life sew you a dressing gown, Cousin,” Merry suggested.  “I’m glad Estella didn’t want to join me in my evening repast.”

Pippin looked horrified momentarily but he quickly recovered and said, “Afraid she might see something she liked?”

Merry snorted.  “If you can hide it with one brandy bottle, then it won’t excite Estella.”

“You’re talking about the pride of the Tooklands, Merry,” Pippin objected.

Merry stood, walked over and snatched the brandy bottle from Pippin.  “And *this*, is the finest brandy in the Shire, bottled in Buckland by Brandybucks.  Hide your Tookish pride behind something else. “  He retrieved two glasses from the counter behind Pippin.  “I think I’ll wake Estella and see if she wants to sample the pride of Buckland!”

“That’s disgusting, Meriadoc.”

“I was talking about the brandy, Pip,” Merry retorted. 

The End

GW     01-01-2009

 


	3. Eat, Drink, and Blame Merry (The Brandybucks)

 

 

 

** Title: ** Eat, Drink, and Blame Merry (The Brandybucks)

          Eat, Drink, and Blame Merry (The Tooks)  
 **Rating:** PG   
**Pairing:** Estella/Merry in part one  
              Pippin/Diamond in part two  
 **Prompt:** In part one the prompt was, 'fever' #24  
               In part two the prompt was,'guest' #26  
 **Author's Note:** These are two tribbles, 300 words each.  I am just posting them together because they are two sides of the same coin so to speak.  These begin where my last tribble, "Room With A View" left off.  These two work better if you've read that one but if you haven't they still make some sense.  Anyway I am now two prompts closer to 30 in the "Winter" set.  
  
  
 **([Collapse](http://troubledtribble.livejournal.com/13619.html#cutid1)  )**

  
**Eat, Drink and Blame Merry:  The Brandybucks**

“Brandy?”

“Mmmm?”

“I have brandy.  Would you care for some?”

Estella sat up rubbing her eyes.  “What’s the time?”

“I don’t know but there’s a full moon so we’re having brandy in bed, my love,” Merry smiled handing her a glass.

Estella stared into the glass and then looked sleepily at Merry.  “What’s the full moon to do with it?”

“Well, it isn’t exactly a full moon,” Merry said slipping into bed with a brandy glass in his hand.  “It’s a rather skinny, pale moon with a scattering of freckles.”

“Are you running a fever?” Estella asked concerned.

“I don’t think so,” Merry said taking a sip of his brandy. 

“Then why do you need a drink at this hour?”

“I’ve just seen Pippin’s naked bum.”

“Now, I need a drink,” Estella sighed taking a generous gulp.  “Care to explain?”

“I was eating the last of Diamond’s honey bread when-”

“The last of it?”

“Yes, but that -”

“Oh, Merry,” Estella sighed.  “I was hoping she’d serve that for first breakfast.  It’s gone?”

“Yes, but-”

“All of it?”

“Unless she’s hidden some of it.”

“That was excellent bread.”  Estella took another large drink of brandy.

“Drowning your sorrows?” Merry asked amused.

“Don’t change the subject.  Why were you looking at Pippin’s bum?”

“He strolled into the kitchen in his birthday apparel and I just happened to be there eating bread.”

“Eating the *last* of the honey bread!”

“Which, in your opinion, is the most important thing about this story,” Merry said.

“Pippin lives here.” Estella shrugged, draining her glass.

“And?”

“It’s his home. If he wants to roam about naked he can do so.“  She looked disappointedly at him.  “But honestly, did you have to eat the remainder of that lovely honey bread?”

“Stella, love?  Do *you* have a fever?”

The End

GW   01-02-2009

 

 

 

 

********Part Two*****

 

 

 

 

 

**Eat, Drink and Blame Merry:  The Tooks**

“Where’s our brandy?”

“Merry is an ungrateful guest,” Pippin complained climbing into bed.

“That hardly answers my question,” Diamond frowned.

“It does, if you know the entire story.”

“I don‘t so, where’s our brandy?”

“Merry took it.”

“And you let him?”

“He surprised me.  If I’d known what he meant to do, I’d have put up a fight.”

“What *did* he do?  Was he waiting in the dark to jump out and nick it from you when you passed?”

“Don’t be daft.  He was in the kitchen finishing the honey bread when-”

Diamond gasped.  “Merry ate the rest of the bread?”

“Yes, but the important thing is, he nicked our brandy.”

“I was going to serve that bread with the sausage at breakfast.  What will I serve with the sausage now?”

“Bacon?”

“You can’t serve bacon and sausage without bread!”

“Aren’t you bothered that the Brandybucks are drinking our brandy?  The very brandy *they* gave us for Yule?  You know what that means, don’t you?  It means they didn’t give us anything for Yule!”

“They gave us two ponies,” Diamond reminded him.

“I can’t drink a pony,” Pippin growled.

“I’ll not serve them for breakfast either but ponies are gifts!”

“I’m thirsty,” Pippin sighed.

“Go get what’s left of the brandy.”

“That brandy's gone.  Estella drinks like a pony after a hard ride in the sun,” Pippin growled.

“Speaking of hard rides,” Diamond said, smiling.  “Why don’t we go for a sleigh ride?”

“Sex again? Don't you rest?”

“Plenty of time to rest once I’m dead.  Make hay while the sun shines.” 

“It’s dark!”

“Your cousin ate my bread and you should have fought for our brandy!”

“I was naked!  He surprised me!”

“Well, you could surprise me.  I'm naked too.”

“This is entirely Merry's fault,” Pippin sighed.

 

The End

GW    01-02-2009

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. The Condemned Hobbit Ate a Lumpy Meal

 

 

 

** Title: ** The Condemned Hobbit Ate a Lumpy Meal  
 **Rating:** PG   
**Pairing:** none, but includes Merry, Pippin, Diamond and Estella  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #16, porridge  
 **Author's Note:** Another tribble about hobbits using the winder prompts.  
 **([Collapse](http://troubledtribble.livejournal.com/14016.html#cutid1)  )**

“Look, Merry, porridge. Doesn’t it look delicious?”

Merry scowled at Estella.  What she meant was:  ‘I hate porridge but you ate the bread so that’s what we’re having!’ 

“Tastes good,” Merry said, taking a bite.

“No headache today after all that splendid brandy?” Pippin quipped. 

Porridge lodged in Merry’s throat.  Pippin meant: ‘You should have a dreadful, pounding headache for stealing my brandy!’  Merry swallowed. “No headache.”

“I’m sorry there’s no bread,” Diamond said.  “I seem to be out this morning.  I’ll bake this afternoon.”

In other words, ‘There would be bread if that pig of a Brandybuck hadn’t eaten it!’  Merry shoveled porridge into his mouth and said, “You don’t need bread with porridge.  It’s a complete meal.”

Estella stirred her unwanted porridge.  Merry watched her lifted the spoon and allowed a lump to plop back into the bowl.

“Sam and Rose arrive today, don‘t they?” Merry asked. 

“Yes,” Diamond smiled.  “I’ll need to start baking after breakfast.  Sam is very fond of my honey bread.”

Merry starred into the lumpy depths of his porridge.

“I’ll ride into Tuckborough,” Pippin said.  “We’ll need more provisions.”

“Pippin?”

“Aye?”

“Get some brandy, will you?”

“If there‘s any to be had so soon after Yule, Diamond,”  Pippin sighed. 

Estella stirred her porridge sulkily.

“I confess!  I ate the bread!  I ate every, single, warm, sweet, morsel.  I savored it!  I slathered it with butter!  Then, I guzzled the brandy.  I had help with the brandy.  My wife, who hates porridge, helped me swill the brandy!  Blame me for the bread-less, brandy-less state in which you all find yourselves!”  Merry stood.   If anyone wants me, I‘ll be out kicking dogs and taking sweets from innocent children!”

Pippin smirked cheekily as Merry slammed the door.

“Bit of a drama queen, isn’t he?” Diamond observed.

 

GW       01-03-2009

 


	5. Toes and Jam

 

 

 

** Title: ** Toes and Jam  
 **Rating:** G  
 **Pairing:** Sam and Rose  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #19 Frostbite  
 **Author's Note:** This is the first appearance of Sam and Rose in this on-going tribble-fest.  Poor Hobbits!  They really don't know what they're walking into, do they?  
  
 **([Collapse](http://troubledtribble.livejournal.com/14109.html#cutid1)  )**

  


“What a fine lunch!” Sam smiled sitting down on the tree stump across from Rose.  A wicker basket sat between them, its contents on a blanket.

“We’ve earn a feast with all the trouble we’ve had today,” Rose sighed filling a plate for Sam.  “All the rain this mornin‘, havin’ that wheel break, and ridin’ part way with that nasty old Elmer Proudfoot!  That hobbit’s a plague upon us!”

Sam chuckled.  “He ain’t no picnic that’s true but he’s gone, the wheel’s fixed, the rain’s stopped and we‘ve got homemade jam.”  As he held the jar up he looked at his wife, noticing a trace of sadness. “Somethin’ else botherin’ you?”

“I miss my babies,” Rose sighed.

“Daisy’ll take good care ‘o them,” Sam said.  “Gettin‘ away on our own’ll be good for us.”

“I suppose.”

“Besides, bein’ as how we’ll be with the Tooks and the Brandybucks, we’ll get our share of childish behavior.”

Rose giggled.  “You’re fond ‘o Merry and Pippin, Sam Gamgee.  You don’t fool me!”

“I am, but they can get carried away at times.  Whatever we been through today, I’m sure we’ll forget it the minute they start to recountin’ their latest adventures.”

“It’ll take a fair amount of adventures for me to get over listenin’ to Elmer tell about his frostbite!  I thought if he made us look at his foot with the missin’ toes once more, I’d scream and run.” Rose shuddered.  “It’s bad enough when a hobbit suffers somethin’ unnatural, but he ought not to be braggin‘ about it!”

“Elmer does go on, don’t he?” Sam said.

“Well, next time he goes on, I hope I ain’t there to hear it!”  Rose declared frowning.  “Is it cold enough for our little ones to get frostbite?”

Sam hugged her tightly.  “They’re fine, Rosie-lass.”

 

 

 

GW     01/06/2009

 

 

 


	6. If The Glove Don't Fit...

 

 

 

** Title: ** If The Glove Don't Fit...  
 **Rating:** G  
 **Characters:** Merry and Pippin, with a smattering of Sam and Rose  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #18 Mittens  
 **Author's Note:** Ok, so this makes seven prompts out of thirty.  Thirty is a *lot* of prompts!  This could get ugly.  I'll just say that this is more of the same; same hobbits, same connecting tribbles, and same so-called writer.  But, hey!  There are dogs!  
  
 **([Collapse](http://troubledtribble.livejournal.com/14350.html#cutid1)  )**

“If The Glove Don't Fit...”

 

“Kicked any of my dogs?” Pippin asked entering the barn and blowing on his hands to warm them. 

“Decided against it,” Merry said, sitting on a stool petting a large dog while another slept near his feet. “They’re your dogs.  They’ve enough problems without me kicking them.  Poor animals must be half-mad with confusion.”

“Watch, Meriadoc,” Pippin said placing his hands under his arms to warm them.  “Those dogs will attack on my order.”

Merry snorted, scratching the dog behind its ear.  “These dogs love me!  They wouldn’t attack for any reason.  Face it, Cousin; I am beloved by all dogs and most children.”

Pippin shoved his hands into his pockets.  “You fed them!”

“Salted pork,” Merry grinned.  “Where are your mittens?”

“I hate mittens!” Pippin scowled.  “And *that* is exactly why you gift me with them every single Yule.  You enjoy watching me try to find nice things to say about them in front of others.”

Merry laughed.  “I consider it part of my Yule festivities.  There’s always the chance I’ll catch you off guard and you’ll be honest.  I look forward to the day you forget your manners and tell me what you think of my gift while the family listens.  Then, I can enjoy listening as you explain why my generous gift of warm mittens upsets you.  That’s what I really want for Yule.”

‘Give me gloves.  I wear gloves.”

“With the fingers cut out.  I recall Aragorn being very annoyed when he found out you’d cut the fingers out of your uniform gloves,” Merry chuckled.

“I can’t do anything in gloves,” Pippin objected as a team of ponies pulled a waggon into the barn. 

“Here we are at last and here the two of you are arguing,” Sam grinned.

 “What did we miss?” Rose asked.

 

 

GW     01-08-2009

 


	7. Words of Welcome

 

 

 

** Title: ** Words of Welcome  
 **Rating:** G  
 **Characters:** Diamond, Estella, and Rose  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #8 'Hush'  
 **Author's Note:** Prompt eight for post number eight.  Up until now I've not being doing them in order, but this one is in order.  This tribble owes a bit to comments made by **[dreamflower02](http://dreamflower02.livejournal.com/profile) ** [ ](http://troubledtribble.livejournal.com/2009/01/10/#) and   **[gamgeefest](http://gamgeefest.livejournal.com/profile) ** .  Thank you both, you naughty hobbits! Here's another bit of conversation peppered with a few of Tolkien's hobbits.    
  
**([Collapse](http://troubledtribble.livejournal.com/14715.html#cutid1)  )**

‘Words of Welcome’

 

“You must be exhausted.  You’ve been traveling for two days.  Sit.  Have tea.  Relax, Rose.  Scones?  We’re all so glad you’ve come.  I know well that the Inns between here and Hobbiton are crowded and the beds are lumpy.  The last time Pippin and I traveled into Hobbiton my back ached for days from that infernal bed at that dreary Inn.”  She sat a cup of tea and a plate of scones in front of an amused Rose.  “I cringe when I think of that bed!  Ridding in a waggon didn’t help either.  I wanted to ride my pony, but Pippin insisted upon the waggon.  Said *I* had too much luggage for a pony!”  Diamond sat down across from Rose.  “My but you’re quiet, Rose.  You must be slightly numb from the travel.  You’ve not said two words since you arrived, has she Estella?”

“How could she with you prattling on?” Estella laughed. 

“Was I?” Diamond looked surprised.  “Oh!  Where are my manners?  You talk, Rose.  Tell us about the trip.  Tell us about the doings in Hobbiton.  How are your darling children?”

“Diamond!” Estella scolded, as Rose broke into tears.

“Oh!  Did I say something?  Rose?  Oh dear!  Everyone always says I go on too much!”

“What is it, Rose?” Estella asked gently.

“Did Sam do something? Husbands often do.  Sometimes, though I love him, Pip-”

“Diamond, will you hush? Estella hissed.  A very contrite Diamond sat back in her chair and pressed her lips together. 

“I miss my children,” Rose sniffled.  “Everyone said Sam and I needed time alone, but I don’t know what to do with myself if I’m not holdin’ a baby.”

“Oh, Rose,” Estella sighed.

“You could work on adding to your family,” Diamond suggested. 

“Diamond!”  Estella winced and the three lasses began to giggle.

 

GW       01-10-2009

 


	8. No Rest For The Wicked

 

 

 

** Title: ** No Rest For The Wicked  
 **Rating:** PG  
 **Characters:** Sam, Merry and Pippin  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #22, 'cough'  
 **Author's Note:** Just a little chat among friends.  
  
 **([Collapse](http://troubledtribble.livejournal.com/15231.html#cutid1)  )**

“No Rest For The Wicked”

 

They sat in the parlour enjoying pipes and ale. 

“What did you get Rose for Yule?”

Sam smiled.  “I made her a cedar chest.”

“I gave Estella this loom she’s wanted.”

“Those are handy,” Sam said puffing his pipe.  He looked at Pippin then and asked, “What did you get Diamond?”

Merry emitted a cough as he choked on his ale.

“I got her a sleigh bed carved by the Dwarves from Dale,” Pippin said, glaring at Merry.  “It arrived just after Yule.”

“Sleigh bed?”

“It’s fashioned like a sleigh but it‘s a bed.”

“I’ll have to see that,” Sam said.

“Go now while it isn’t occupied,” Merry smirked.  “Diamond’s been making good use of it.”

“Good for napping?”  Sam asked.

Merry laughed.

“She doesn’t sleep much,” Pippin sighed.

Sam grinned.  “So, you got her somethin’ both ‘o you can enjoy.”

“Sam!” Pippin groaned.

“It don’t hurt to buy a gift you both like,” Sam said misunderstanding Pippin’s expression.  “I might check on gettin’ Rose one ‘o them.” 

“Be careful,” Pippin warned.

“Costly, is it?”

“You pay a price,” Pippin sighed uneasily.

“Pip’s getting more enjoyment than he can handle,” Merry grinned.

Sam laughed.

“I’m handling it fine, Meriadoc,” Pippin objected, embarrassed.  “But she really doesn’t ever sleep.  I think that bed somehow gets her in the mood for certain things.”

“Didn’t she do *certain things* before you got the bed?” Sam asked.

“Of course she did!  All the time, just not *ALL OF THE TIME*,” Pippin said with his usual clarity.  “I was doing fine without that bed.”

“Still, she seems to like you better now, Pip” Merry said thoughtfully.

“I’d see if I could order a spare if that’s true,” Sam said thoughtfully.  “Better safe than sorry.”

Merry howled with laughter while Pippin glared at both of them.

 

 

GW           01-12-2009

 


	9. The Gift That Keeps on Giving

 

 

 

**Title:** **Title:** “The Gift That Keeps on Giving”  
 **Rating:** PG  
 **Characters:** Diamond, Estella, and Rose  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #4,  'Quilt'  
 **Author's Note:** One of those conversations that ladies sometimes have when the guys aren't around.

 

 

**“The Gift That Keeps on Giving”**  
  
  
“So this is the famous bed,”  Estella grinned, running a hand over the quilt.  
‘I thought I’d feel mad with desire sitting here. Maybe I need to stretch out.”  She looked at Diamond.  “What’s the secret?”  
  
Diamond sighed and sat next to Estella.  “There isn’t any secret.  Everyone knows all about it.”  
  
“Well, you gave Pippin a limp,” Estella giggled.  “Besides, the lads brag.”  
  
“Pippin’s bragging?  What does he say?”  
  
“He doesn’t say *anything* to me,” Estella objected.  
  
“They tell each other,” Rose offered.  “Everyone says gentle hobbits don’t tell, but they do.  They just make those they tell promise not to tell anyone.”  
  
“Like we do!”  Diamond said.  “That’s how everyone knows everything.  I tell you and you promise.  Then you tell someone and they promise and on it goes until there isn’t anyone else to tell!”  
  
“Sam says you’re right pleased with this bed,” Rose grinned.  
  
“Sam says that?”  Diamond sighed.  
  
“Well, no.  He says the two ’o you’ve been at it like rabbits in a cabbage patch.”   
  
“Is it the bed, or Pippin?” Estella asked.  
  
“It’s a lovely bed.  It was dear of Pippin to give it to me,” Diamond frowned.  
  
“But?”  
  
“I think he was hinting at something.”  
  
“Hinting?”  
  
“That perhaps there should be more romping in the sheets.”  
  
“Then you aren‘t excited by the bed?” Rose asked.  
  
“Pippin is my excitement,” Diamond smiled.  “But maybe I’ve not been excited often enough lately.  Why else would he get me a gift that screams, ‘come hither’ like this does?”  
  
“Oh, my!”  Rose frowned.  
  
“I don’t think he’s getting enough of,  you know.  But I can’t keep doing this much longer!  I’ll split in two. It‘s like riding a wild pony without your knickers on!”  
  
“Enough!” Estella groaned.  “Diamond, please learn when to stop!”  
  
“Tell that to Pippin!”  
  
  
GW    01/14/2009


	10. I Hope You Dance

**Title:** **Title:** "I Hope You Dance"  
 **Rating:** PG  
 **Characters:** Sam, Merry and Pippin  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #21, "'Dance  
 **Author's Note:** A conversation that a group of guys might have, but really shouldn't.

 

 

 

**“I Hope You Dance”**  
  
  
“Why not just tell her?” Sam objected.  
  
“Are you barking mad?  Would you tell Rose?  I wouldn’t tell Estella,” In a high-pitched voice Merry said, “What do you mean we’re having too much sex?  Don’t you love me?  Then she’ll start crying and you’ll be sleeping on a lumpy sofa underneath a pony blanket.”  
  
“You don’t say that you don’t enjoy it,” Sam said.  “You just tell her you’d appreciate the chance to breathe between go-rounds.”  
  
“Exactly *how* do you say that?”  Merry asked.  “Darling, I love you, but you if I have to do the horizontal Springle-Ring again tonight, you’ll be scraping me off of the sleigh bed with a shovel.”  
  
“I shouldn’t mention dancing,” Pippin said.  “She dances too much too.  No matter what we do, I‘m the one that winds up panting.”  
  
“It’s not about dancing, Pippin,” Merry sighed.    
  
“No, but if it were, that would be almost as bad.”  
  
“Comes to a choice, I’d rather make love than dance.”  
  
“I think we all would, Sam,” Merry groaned.  “It was an expression!”  
  
“I suppose it’s kinda like dancin’,” Sam said thoughtfully. “I’ve never danced naked, but the motion is kinda similar.”  
  
“I’ve danced naked before,” Pippin said.  “I was drunk at the time and it was summer.  It’s too cold now.”  
  
“I really wish you hadn‘t shared that,” Merry said.  
  
“Talking about dancing won’t solve my problem,”  Pippin said.  “What do I do?  My willie’s going to wear out and fall off.”  
  
“I still think you have to be honest with her,” Sam insisted.   
  
“Just tell her that you aren’t *up* for it,” Merry smiled.  “Tell her the ‘Pride of the Tooklands’ has petered out.”  
  
“The Pride o’ the Tooklands?” Sam snorted.  
  
“That’s what *he* calls it.”  
  
“Not lately,” Pippin sighed.  “Lately, I just call it tired.”  
  
  
GW         01-14-2009


	11. The Proof is in The Pudding

 

 

 

** Title: ** ** Title: ** “The Proof is in The Pudding"  
 **Rating:** G  
 **Characters:** Diamond, Estella, Rose, Merry, Pippin and Sam  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #5  Pudding (how obvious!)  
 **Author's Note:** Fun in the kitchen with Merry.  
  
 **([Collapse](http://troubledtribble.livejournal.com/17562.html#cutid1)  )**

The Proof is in The Pudding

 

“Stand clear!  I am taking over this kitchen!” Merry announced, his arms full of packages.  Everyone watched as he dropped his purchases onto the table. “I’ll need an apron, a mixing bowl, a wooden spoon, and some elbow room.”

“Will we regret this?” Estella asked trying to peek into the packages.  Merry shooed her away playfully.

Diamond sat a large bowl and a wooden spoon on the table.  “Flowers, birds, or ducks?”

“What?” 

“The apron.  Do you want one decorated with flowers, birds or ducks?”

“Ducks. Brandybucks are fond of ducks.”

“Ducks it is.”

“What are you making?” Rose asked.

“Whatever it is, if he spills it, he‘ll be protected,” Diamond grinned handing Merry the apron.

“*This* is a peace offering,” Merry said donning the apron.

“Want a bonnet to match that?” Pippin asked.

“If you’re rude you won’t get any,” Merry warned.

“Any what?”

“Any of my famous Yule pudding.  Run to the barn and milk a cow, will you, Pip?”

“It’s your pudding.  You milk the cow.”

“They’re your cows.”

“Peace offering?” Rose asked curiously.

“I helped myself to the last of the honey bread and drank some brandy that might not have been meant for me,” Merry said winking at Pippin.  “It looked like an offer of some kind though I can’t say I was interested in the complete package.  Still, the brandy looked good so I accepted it.”

“Now, I’m milking a cow,” Pippin grumbled.

“You’ll need this,” Sam smiled handing Pippin a bucket.

“I hope our cows are in a milking mood.”

“We can’t have my famous pudding without milk.  You’re charming.  Charm the cows and get some milk.”

“Fine.  But that offer?  It was, most certainly, *not* directed at you.”

“It was pointing my way,” Merry grinned.

Blushing, Pippin left to find a cow.

 

GW         01/18/2009

 


	12. Too Many Plots Spoil the Pudding

 

 

 

** Title: ** ** Title: ** “Too Many Plots Spoil The Pudding"  
 **Rating:** G  
 **Characters:** Merry, Pippin, and a rather nosy Rose Gamgee  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #17 'Freeze'  
 **Author's Note:** Pippin questions Merry's cooking and Rose gets more information than she was expecting.  
  
  
 **([Collapse](http://troubledtribble.livejournal.com/17876.html#cutid1)  )**

  
**Too Many Plots Spoil The Pudding**

As Rose placed three empty bowls on the side board, she heard Pippin hiss, “You know exactly what you’ve done, Meriadoc!”

In spite of her good manners, Rose pressed an ear to the kitchen door.  It was just too tempting.

“What have I done?” 

“You put brandy in that pudding!” 

“My dear, Cousin, you know that my special pudding contains brandy.  You’ve enjoyed it since you were a child.  Everyone knows about the brandy.”

“And *you* know that Diamond can’t tolerate brandy even in small amounts!”

“Do I?”

“You do!”

“Then why were you in this very kitchen retrieving brandy for Diamond a few evenings past?”

Why indeed, Rose wondered.

“I recall your outrage when I was cheeky enough to nick it.”  Merry paused to allow Pippin to reply but when he didn’t, Rose heard Merry continue.  “Come to think of it though, you were the one showing all of the cheek that night.”

“I didn’t say the brandy was for Diamond, did I?” Pippin sounded nervous.

“You said Diamond wanted the brandy.”

“Did I?”

“You did.”

“Well, sometimes folks want what they shouldn’t have.”

Rose wasn’t in the room but she fancied she could see Pippin fidgeting under Merry‘s gaze.

“Liars often freeze into blocks of ice and melt away when the sun shines,” Merry teased, reciting an old wife’s tale. 

“She’s passed out on the sofa, Merry!”

So she was!  Had Merry known about Diamond’s lack of tolerance for brandy? Still, that didn’t explain why Pippin had been fetching Diamond brandy a few nights earlier.  Rose frowned.

“She’ll be fine come  morning.  Relax, Pippin.  No sleigh rides for the ‘Pride of the Tooklands’ tonight.  I’ve just arranged what I suspect you had planned the other night; an evening off for your weary willie.”

Rose was wided-eyed with realization. 

GW  01-24-2009

 


	13. Sam-Wise

 

 

 

**Title:** **Title:** “Sam-Wise"  
 **Rating:** G  
 **Characters:** Sam and Rose  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #14 'crimson'  
 **Author's Note:** Confessions of an eavesdropper.

 

“Sam?”  
  
“What, Rosie?”  Sam asked.  He could hear the concern in his wife’s voice.  He knew well enough that somethin’ was troublin‘ her.  Ever since she’d come to bed lookin’ all flushed and nervous he’d known it.  He’d been on the edge of askin’ but decided to let her start the conversation.  Sometimes it was better to wait.  
  
“Suppose you knew somethin’ that you shouldn’t know,” Rose began.  “Something that’s none of your concern and ain’t the sort ‘o thing you should know.  If that somethin’ might help someone do you speak up or hold your tongue?”  
  
Sam sat up in the bed and frowned.  “You been around the Tooks too much.  I can’t make out what you’re tryin’ to say.”  
  
“I heard something that weren’t none ‘o my business.  The thing is, I suspect there are folks what ought to know about it.  Should I tell?”  
  
“Were you eavesdropping?”  
  
Rose turned crimson.  “I over-heard it,” she mumbled, looking guilty.  
  
 Sam smiled.  “If you ain’t supposed to know it, it’s probably not the sort ‘o thing you ought to be tellin’.”  
  
“So, I can’t discuss it with anyone?” Rose frowned.  
  
“Well, you could mention that you overheard it, *if* you mention it to the person you overheard sayin’ it,” Sam said.  “I figure that’d be fine.  You wouldn’t be spreadin’ tales.  You’d just be confessin’ what you done.”  
  
“Confessing?  I’m not the one that did anything.  Sam, if you knew was-”    
  
He placed a finger to her lips.  “You best talk to the person you heard say it a' fore you tell me or anyone else.”  
  
“I will.  I’ll do that very thing!  In fact, I have a notion that might work even better.”  She kissed him on the nose.  “You always know what to do.”  
  
“Not always,” Sam said.   
  
  
GW        01-26-2009


	14. A Taste of Honey

 

 

 

**Title:** **Title:**   "A Taste of Honey"  
 **Rating:** G  
 **Characters:** Merry and Estella  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #12, 'toast'  
 **Author's Note:** Estella has needs and Merry doesn't.

 

 

“Merry?”  
  
“mmph?” Merry mumbled into his pillow.  
  
“Do you suppose there’s any pudding left?” Estella asked poking him in the ribs.  
  
“Don’t know,” Merry yawned.  “Probably not any pudding, but maybe some stew.”  
  
“Merry?”  She shook him insistently.  
  
“What?”   
  
“Let’s go to the kitchen and make toast.  There’s a jar of honey in the far corner of Diamond’s pantry.  It would be lovely on toast.”  She prodded him with a toe.  “We could build up the fire and maybe make some toasted bread with cheese.  I want honey, but if you want cheese, Diamond has a nice wheel of cheese near the pickles just behind the-”  
  
“What did you do?  Memorize the contents of the larder?”  Merry moaned.  “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’d spent our visit rummaging about in the pantry.  Go to sleep.  Before you know it, it’ll be morning.  You can have honey on something for breakfast.”  
  
“I can’t ask Diamond to serve honey if it isn’t what she’s planned.  That would be inconsiderate.  Besides, since she passed out after eating the pudding, I don’t think she’ll be fixing breakfast.  Pippin will probably do it.”  
  
“Pippin can cook,” Merry said burrowing into the blankets.  
  
“But he’ll serve jam.  He prefers jam.”  She shook Merry’s shoulder.  “Come on.  I don’t want to get caught in the kitchen at this hour alone.”  
  
“But I’m not hungry,” Merry objected.  
  
“You’re always hungry.  Doesn’t toast with warm butter and honey sound lovely?”  
  
“If someone brought it to me, I’d eat it, but if we have to go get it, then I can wait until breakfast,” Merry yawned.  
  
“Fine.  I’ll just toss and turn all night while my stomach growls.”  
  
Merry sighed.  “Let’s go.  But if anyone accuses me of eating the last of anything, I plan to blame you.”  
  
  
  
  
GW         01-26-2009


	15. Guilt Without the Pleasure

 

 

 

**Title:** **Title:** "Guilt Without The Pleasure"  
 **Rating:** PG-13  
 **Characters:** Pippin and Diamond  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #16 'sled'  
 **Author's Note:** Pippin's thoughts on several things.  


 

 

Pippin shifted.  He shouldn’t feel guilty.  He hadn’t done anything.  Merry had been the one.  Still, when it came to it, Merry *had* been right.  Pippin was planning to pour a bit of brandy into Diamond the night that Merry caught him in the kitchen in his altogether.  He *should* feel guilty.  Didn’t planning it make him as guilty as Merry?  
  
Diamond snored softly.  “I should sleep while she’s sleeping,” Pippin said aloud.  “I should rest so that when she’s awake, I’ll be ready.”  He brushed her dark curls from her face.  She had skin the colour of milk and not a single blemish anywhere.  Well, anywhere on her face.    
  
She had this birthmark shaped like a dragonfly on her left hip but Pippin didn’t consider it to be a blemish.  The dragonfly was perfect  like the rest of her. She snored again.  Pippin wiped a trickle of drool from her the corner of her perfect lips with the sheet.    
  
He would make amends.  He’d fix her breakfast in bed the minute she felt hungry.  Then, if she wanted to spend all day and all night having sex, they would.  When she said the word, he’d do all of the things she liked until she was satisfied.  
  
A dreadful thought occurred to him.  What if he couldn’t satisfy her?  What if she’d never been happy with him?  Would she tire of his efforts to please her and leave him for some hobbit with more staying power?  
  
He studied his sleeping wife and felt himself becoming aroused even though she was still drooling.  Was there anyone that could satisfy her or was she doomed to a life of sexual frustration?    
  
He lifted the blankets and glared down at his over-eager penis. “Give it a rest.   This sled isn’t going anywhere tonight.”  
  
  
  
  
GW     01-26-2008

 

 

 

 


	16. Organ Music

 

 

 

**Title:** **Title:** "Organ Music"  
 **Rating:** G  
 **Characters:** Merry and Rose  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #15, 'Stark'  
 **Author's Note:** Rose has her say and again, learns more than she wanted to know.

 

 

Rose found Merry in the garden.  Frost still clung to the grass and it crunched beneath her feet as walked.  
  
“Good morning, Rose,” Merry said smiling that infectious smile of his and nearly causing her to forget her intentions.  
  
“I’ve a bone to pick with you,” she said sternly.  
  
“Oh?”  He looked surprised.  
  
“You laced that pudding with brandy knowin’ full well what it would do to Diamond.”  
  
“I did, but how do *you* know?”  
  
She blushed.  “That isn’t the point.  The point is, you are meddlin’ in the affairs of others.”  
  
“And you aren’t?”  
  
It was a stark truth she couldn’t deny.  He saved her the trouble and continued.  “I was only trying to help Pippin.  I wouldn’t harm Diamond for anything.”  
  
“How does makin’ Diamond pass out help Pippin?”  
  
“Well, let’s just say that lately, Diamond has been more *affectionate* than Pippin can manage.  It would be impolite to say more.”  
  
“Are you saying that Pippin can‘t,” Rose stopped.  “Oh my!  You mean that he-”  
  
“I don‘t mean to say more,” Merry replied.    
  
“But, if that‘s true then she‘s the one giving him too much of a good thing?”  Rose frowned.  Was Diamond lying before?  If what Merry was implying was true, then Pippin was having a problem in the bedroom.  Poor Diamond!  
  
“I’m sure it will sort itself out with time,” Merry said casually as if they were discussing the weather.  
  
“Of course,” Rose managed uncertainly.  If  Pippin’s male organ wasn’t playing tunes of love ,then didn’t he need a healer?  Her only experience was with Sam, who could rise to the occasion no matter what.  On the other hand, Sam was an uncommon hobbit.  Perhaps it was different for gentry.  Maybe they paid for their fine living by not being quite as hardy as regular folk.  
  
  
  
  
GW         02-04-2009


	17. Savory Truffles

 

 

 

 **Title:** **Title:** “Savory Truffles”  
 **Rating:** G  
 **Characters:** Estella and Diamond  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #13,'hibernate'  
 **Author's Note:** Estella's bedside manner is less than helpful.

 

 

“Pippin made breakfast and brought me this lovely tray but I can’t eat now,” Diamond said closing her eyes.  “Have some if you want.”  
  
“You’re certain?” Estella asked looking longingly at the food.  
  
“Please,”  Diamond murmured.  “I just want to curl up under the blankets and hibernate until my head stops pounding.  You eat.”  
  
Estella buttered a slice of toast and began eating.  “I’ve eaten already, but for some reason, I seem to be uncommonly hungry of late.  I think it’s the weather.”  She buttered another slice of toast and slathered it with jam.  “I eat more in winter, don’t you?”  
  
“I never thought about it,” Diamond mumbled pulling the blankets around her and turning on her side.  
  
 “Last night I even dreamed of food,” Estella said between bites.  
  
 “I don’t remember last night,” Diamond said.    
  
Estella licked her fingers.  “These eggs are cold.”  
  
“Don’t eat them,” Diamond said wearily.  “I can’t think of food.”  
  
“In my dream last night, I was eating freshly caught fish,” Estella smiled eating the cold eggs.  “I knew it was fresh because Merry was catching it and bringing it to the table.  I can‘t recall who was cooking it.  I know that it was cooked though.  It was breaded with something spicy and it was quite delicious.  It wasn’t raw.  I would have remembered that.”  
  
Diamond moaned.  “Estella, don’t mention raw fish.”  
  
“Oh, sorry.  It was only a dream and the fish wasn‘t raw.  Oh, and there were pickles and jam and-”  
  
Diamond threw off the blankets, hurried over to a  wash basin, and threw up.  
  
“I was a bit put off at first too.  But pickles and jam don’t sound too bad to me.  Not strawberry jam, of course.  It was peach jam.”  
  
As Estella pondered this, Diamond continued to empty her stomach.  
  
  
GW         02-04-2009  



	18. Love is a Battle Field

 

 

 

** Title: ** ** Title: ** "Love is a Battle Field"  
 **Rating:** PG  
 **Characters:** Sam and Pippin  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #9, 'Feast'    
**Author's Note:** Pippin and Sam discuss battle tactics?

 

 

“How do I tell her, Sam?  What do I say?” Pippin frowned.  
  
“Tell her the truth,” Sam suggested, placing some clean plates into the cupboard.  
  
“The truth is rather embarrassing,” Pippin winced.  “I’m sorry, darlin’, but you’ve married beneath your talents.  I’m not able to satisfy you as often as you would like.”    
  
“Well, so far you’ve met her at the gate every time she’s come callin’ haven’t you?”   
  
“Well, yes,” Pippin said.  “In fact, last night while she was unconscious; *I* was at the gate.  She wasn’t up to it, but parts of me were.  The Pride of the Tooklands had the night off but still came to attention as if ready for muster.”  
  
Sam grinned.  “Then you don’t have a problem with your soldier.”  
  
“Of course not!  My soldier is hale and hardy.  He’d just like some time away from the battle now and again.”  
  
“Tell her that,” Sam suggested.  “Tell her you love her but now and then, you need a rest.  There’s more to marriage than sex.”  
  
“I thought so too, but since I gave her that bed, there isn‘t.  Nights, mornings and afternoons; it’s sex!  I‘m glad you, Rose, Merry and Estella are here or she‘d have killed me.  My poor soldier would have died happy, but he‘d be just as dead.”  
  
“Tell her that.”  
  
“When she feels better.  She isn’t up to bad news this morning.”  
  
“She might be relieved.  Maybe she isn’t as keen on it as she’s been letting on.”  
  
“No, she’s that keen,” Pippin assured him.  “She finds the very sight of me completely irresistible.  There isn’t anything I can do about it.”  
  
“A feast for the eyes, are you?”  Sam teased.    
  
“If  by that, you mean she’s making a banquet of me, then I agree,” Pippin shivered, missing the joke.  
  
  
GW      02/05/2009  
  
  
  
  



	19. Good For What Ails You

 

 

 

**Title:** **Title:** "Good For What Ails You"  
 **Rating:** G  
 **Characters:** Pippin and Rose  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #27, 'Fur'  
 **Author's Note:** Rose has a home remedy that she wants to share.

 

“I’ve made this for you,” Rose said holding out a glass with a curious amber liquid in it.  
  
“What is it?” Pippin asked taking the glass.  “It smells like Merry‘s herb garden.”  He leaned over the glass and inhaled deeply.  “It smells of dill and cabbage but it looks like medicine.”  
  
“It isn’t medicine,” Rose objected.  “It’s, it’s a tonic.  It’ll keep you healthy.  It’s my grandma’s recipe.”  
  
Pippin sniffed it again.  “It’s not laced with brandy is it?”  
  
“There aren’t any spirits in it.  Spirits aren’t good for, well, for what ails you.  They aren’t healthy.”  
  
Pippin lowered the glass looking thoughtfully at Rose.  “Do I look ill?”  
  
“Oh, my, no,” Rose stammered.  “It’s just a tonic.  You’ve been such a good host and you’ve looked a might tired lately.  I only thought to make you something that might give you extra energy.”  
  
“I haven’t slept much,” Pippin said.  He turned and studied his face in the mirror hanging just behind him.  He peered into his own eyes and traced a finger underneath one.  “Dark circles.  Pearl says that those dark circles make folks look old.  She’s forever putting cream on them.  I seem to have dark circles of my own now.”  He frowned into the mirror.  
  
“This tonic will sort it out,” Rose said watching him as he opened his mouth, stuck out his tongue, and peered down his own throat.  
  
“I look a bit washed out.  I’m always pale, but I’m uncommonly so now.”  
  
“Drink it,” Rose urged.  “It’ll put fur on your toes.”  
  
Pippin turned from his reflection, gave the glass a look and downed the mixture.  
  
That should put things right, Rose thought.  Her grandma swore by that mixture.  Pippin’s shaft should be ready for business in no time.  Granny was always one for cures.  
  
  
GW         02-08-2009  
  



	20. Things That Go Bump in the Night

 

 

 

**Title:** **Title:** "Things that Go Bump in the Night"  
 **Rating:** PG  
 **Characters:** Pippin and Diamond and Merry and Estella  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #2, 'Ice'  
 **Author's Note:** Merry and Estella are treated to a concert that they'd rather not hear.

 

 

“Again?”  Diamond asked rather breathlessly.  
  
In answer to her question Pippin nibbled her ear lobe and ran a hand down her thigh.  
  
“You’re certain?”  she asked, a trace of desperation in her voice.  
  
Pippin kissed her throat and cupped her breasts in his hands.  “Very,” he murmured as he rolled over on top of her.  
  
“Oh, my,” Diamond whispered.  She had no idea what had come over Pippin.  This was the fourth time or maybe the fifth time since they’d come to bed early at *his* suggestion.  
  
It hadn’t really been a suggestion.  It had been a rather frantic demand.  He’d practically shoved her from the parlour saying something about ‘going to bed early and having had a hard day.’  Diamond couldn’t vouch for how hard Pippin’s day had been, but he was certainly having a very hard night!  As he slid into her, again she cried out.  She might die from his passion but she couldn’t help being aroused by it.  
  
*****  
“Again?  Are they going for the Shire record?” Estella groaned, covering her head with her pillow.  
  
“If there’s a Shire record for that, then I’m certain we hold the title,” Merry bragged as Diamond’s voice filtered into the room.  
  
“Oh, Pippin!”  Merry and Estella chorused along with Diamond, then burst into muffled giggles.  
  
“I’ll say this for them.  They make no secret of it.”  
  
“They’re Tooks.  Tooks have no secrets,”  Merry smiled.  “If you know the Tooks, you know *everything* about them!”  
  
“Well, I know more than I want to.”  
  
“Just try to ignore it,” Merry suggested as the bed in the next room thumped against the wall.  
  
“I say we get a bucket of ice and toss it on them.  My father used to do that to the dogs,” Estella said.   
  
“Did it work?”  Merry asked.  
  
  
  
GW       02-08-2009


	21. Rosie to the Rescue

**Title:** **Title:** "Rosie to the Rescue"  
 **Rating:** G  
 **Characters:** Rose and Sam  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #3, 'Candle'  
 **Author's Note:**   Rose Gamgee has the answer and she lets Sam in on the secret.

 

 

“You look happy,” Sam observed watching Rose brush her hair.  She always did this before bed.  There was something very alluring about a lass brushing her hair.  
  
“I am happy,” Rose smiled.  
  
“Well, don’t count on sleepin’ tonight,” Sam sighed.  
  
Rose giggled getting into the bed.  “Are you suggestin’ what I think you are?”  
  
“I wasn’t, but I’m not against it,” Sam chuckled.  “I meant that it sounds like Diamond is giving Pippin a sleigh ride again.”  
  
“More likely that Pippin‘s givin‘ Diamond a sleigh ride.”    
  
“You mean that business in the parlour?” Sam asked, recalling how Pippin had suddenly got to his feet and developed an urgent need to go to bed.  Sam had been amused, given the conversation he’d had with Pippin earlier, but later he’d suspected Pippin had decided to talk to Diamond and tell her the truth.  It was like Pippin to come to a quick decision.  What Rosie was mistaking for Pippin’s passion, was more likely his resolve to get things out in the open.  Rosie didn’t know about the advice Sam had given Pippin earlier.    
  
“You hear that?” Rose asked turning to face Sam, the candle from the bedside table lighting her brilliant smile.    
  
“Half the Shire can hear it.”  
  
“I sorted things out nicely.”  
  
“You?”  
  
“I know about Pippin‘s troubles.  Merry didn’t want to explain but I got the idea of it from what he would say.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“It isn’t proper to speak of it, but I know that Pippin’s staff hasn’t been holding up its flag lately so I took care of it!”    
  
“*You* took care of Pippin’s staff?” Sam objected.  
  
“Not that way!  I fixed him some of Grammy’s tonic, the kind she used to fix for Grandpa after he started to slow down a bit?”  
  
“You didn’t!”  
  
GW     02-08-2009


	22. Off To Kill a Gamgee

** Title: ** ** Title: ** 'Off To Kill a Gamgee'  
 **Rating:** PG  
 **Characters:** Pippin and Diamond  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #23 'treat'  
 **Author's Note:** Diamond makes her intentions known.

 

 

“Are you trying to kill me?” Diamond asked as the early morning sunlight filtered across the bed.  
  
“I have no idea what happened,” Pippin replied.  “All I know is that “The Pride of the Tooklands” was very excited and just when I would think everything had settled down, up it would pop again.”    
  
His eyes were closed and he was motionless for the first time in hours.  Diamond looked at him suspiciously.  “What really happened?  You must have some idea what started all of that.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Think. You have to know what did this to you and made *you*do it to me.”  
  
“I can’t think.  My knees hurt.  I think we’ve worn the skin off my poor willie.  I’m going to lay here and die.”  
  
“You’re going to die?  What about me?  When you had a go at me for the fifth time, I thought I might die then.  You need to figure out what happened and see to it that it doesn’t happen again.”  
  
  
“Maybe I should have Rose fix us some of her grandmother’s tonic.  It’s a real treat, Diamond.  We might recover faster.  It might help me think properly.”  
  
“Tonic?”  
  
“She fixed some for me just before dinner yesterday and it perked me right up,” Pippin said, his eyes sliding shut again.  
  
“Rose’s grandmother’s tonic? Are you certain she said it was her grandmother‘s tonic?”  
  
“That’s what she said.  It smelled like rabbit food but it was delicious.  It made me feel better.  I had more energy and it kept building until I felt like I might explode if we didn‘t have sex-Diamond?  Where are you going?”  
  
“To kill Rose.  Don’t get up and don’t drink anything!  Do you hear me, Pippin?”  Before he could answer, Diamond pulled on her dressing gown and hurried from the room.  
  
  
GW     02-09-2009  



	23. Let's Talk About Pippin's Penis

** Title: ** ** Title: ** 'Let's Talk About Pippin's Penis'  
 **Rating:** PG  
 **Characters:** Diamond, Rose, poor Sam and an unsuspecting Merry  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #30 'dormant'  
 **Author's Note:** Diamond complains to Rose and a captive Sam.

 

 

“Are you trying to kill me?”  
  
“What?” Sam pulled the covers over his bare chest as Diamond stormed into the room.  Rose climbed out of bed and blinked sleepy eyes at their hostess.  
  
Diamond leaned over Sam, glaring at Rose.  “You gave Pippin your grandmother’s tonic!”  
  
“He told you?”  
  
“Why would you do that after everything *I’ve* told you?  I told you he was as horny as a two-headed goat but you still felt like you needed to dose him with your grandmother’s tonic?”  
  
“I thought you were just saying that to cover up the real trouble,” Rose spluttered.  She leaned over the bed too.  Sam was caught in the middle.  
  
“Why would I do that?”  
  
“Because you were upset.”  
  
“I wasn’t upset before, but I am now!  Pippin almost killed me!  It’s a wonder I can walk!”  
  
Sam shifted uncomfortably trying to plan an escape and failing.  
  
“I thought I was helping!  You seemed so desperate.”  
  
“Desperate to slow him down, not start him up!  I’m trying to get him to have less sex, not more and you give him a sex potion?”  
  
“It’s a tonic!”  
  
“It’s dangerous!”  
  
They were nose to nose over the bed with Sam between them, blankets over his head.  
  
“Merry implied Pippin was having trouble in the bedroom.  I just-”  
  
“Merry?”  
  
“I only meant to help.  I got the feeling that Pippin’s penis had gone dormant and that you’d be grateful if someone got it moving again.”  
  
Sam groaned.  “Could we not talk about Pippin’s penis?”  
  
“Apparently, everyone else is!”  Diamond shouted.  
  
“What are you folks doing?  Re-enacting the Battle of the Five Armies?” Merry asked entering without knocking.  
  
“You!” Both lasses shouted, glaring at Merry.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Run, Merry,” Sam warned from beneath the blankets.  “Run now and don’t stop until you’ve reached Buckland.”  
  
  
  
GW    02-09-2009


	24. Help-Less

 

 

** Title: ** ** Title: ** 'Help-less'  
 **Rating:** PG-13  
 **Characters:** Pippin and Merry  
 **Prompt:** Prompt #7, 'nightcap'  
 **Author's Note:** Pippin makes a request of Merry.   
  


 

 

“Diamond tried to kill me!”  
  
“I should have let her!  Why did you tell Rose that?”  
  
“Tell Rose what?”  
  
“You told her I had no lumber!”  
  
“I did not!”  
  
“You told her my solider wasn’t up to a battle, that my willie wasn’t working, that I wasn‘t keeping up my end of the bargain, that I wasn’t able to hoist the flag, that my one-eyed snake had slithered away, that my arrow wasn’t hitting the bull’s eye!  *That* is what you told Rose!”  
  
Merry coughed.  “I would never say *any* of *that* to anyone.  If, I were going to say anything, I’d say that you had a tired penis but I didn’t even say that!”  
  
“Rose says you implied it!”  
  
“All I said was that you’d had some trouble in the bedroom!”  
  
“You *did* imply it!”  
  
“I didn’t.  If she interpreted it that way, it isn‘t my fault.”  
  
“Because of you, I played hide the sausage all night!  I couldn’t stop!  Whatever is in Rose’s grandmother’s tonic, it’s dangerous!  I thought I’d die.”  
  
“You can’t die from sex.”  
  
“Yes you can.  Remember my Uncle?”  
  
“Which Uncle?”  
  
“The one that died during sex.”  
  
“Oh.  I’d forgot about him but, it couldn’t happen to a Brandybuck.”  
  
“I know one Brandybuck that could die because of sex.  If I let Diamond kill you, that will be the reason for it.  You did this!”  
  
“This is your fault, Pippin.”  
  
“My fault?  Diamond nearly kills me with sex, then you get Diamond drunk on brandied pudding, then Rose gives me her grandmother’s sex tonic as a nightcap.  That’s my fault, how?”  
  
“You bought Diamond that bed.  If what you say is true, that’s what started this.  That’s your fault.  Rose and I were just trying to help.”  
  
“Stop helping me, Merry.  It’s not really helping.”  
  
  
  
GW  02-09-2009

 

 

 


	25. The Birth of A Notion

**Title:** **Title:** **“The Birth of A Notion"**  
 **Rating: PG**   
**Characters: Rose and Estella**   
**Prompt:** **Prompt** # **6 'Bell'**  
 **Author's Note:**    **A little chat in the kitchen brings to light what some of you think you know.**

 

 

****“Good morning, Rose.”  
  
“Diamond is furious with me.  Pippin probably is too.  Sam wasn’t too happy either so I thought I’d make tea.  Want some?”  
  
“It’s already made, Rose.  Help yourself.  When you and Diamond woke me yelling about Pippin’s ready, set, go, penis, I made breakfast.  Help yourself.”  
  
“I’m sorry we woke you,”” Rose sat down, cup of tea in hand.  “I’m sorry for everything.”  
  
“It’s not your fault,” Estella said between bites.  “Diamond involved us by telling us.  You were only trying to help.”    
  
“Is Merry angry with me too?”  
  
“Merry has no call to be angry.  I told him so myself,” Estella said buttering toast.  “He’s had his nose in this too.”  
  
“Sam says Diamond and Pippin need to talk to each other.”  
  
“Sam’s right.  For two hobbits that talk constantly, they aren‘t saying much to each other, are they?  If Pippin wants more sex, he should say so rather than buying Diamond that bed as a hint.  If Diamond wants less sex, she should tell Pippin.”  Estella put jelly on her toast.  
  
“Maybe it’s Diamond what has a problem with sex.”  
  
“Even if she does, we need to stay out of it.  The next time I get invited here, I‘m not coming.  Too much drama.  You want some toast?”  
  
“Are you eating pickles with that toast?”  
  
“They’re surprisingly good with toast.  I never noticed, but toast and jam go well with pickles.  Must be the dill.”  Estella crunched a pickle.  
  
“It’s not the dill.  It’s the baby.”  
  
“Baby?”  
  
“Pickles with jam are good indicators.”  
  
“Merry’s Mum said I had a glow last time we saw her!  I wondered why she was smiling.”  
  
“That rings a bell.  My mum always said lasses in a family way had a glow about them.”  
  
“So I’m not hungry, I’m glowing?”  
  
  
GW      02-15-2009


	26. The Beginning of Took Moot

**Title:** **Title:** **“The Beginning of Took-Moot”  
** **Rating: PG**   
**Characters: Sam, Diamond, Merry, and Pippin**   
**Prompt:** **Prompt #11 'slippers**  
 **Author's Note:** **Merry and Sam take matters into their own hands.  NO!  not like that!**

 

 

“Merry, quit pushing.”  
  
“Walk faster, Pippin.  You have somewhere to be.”  
  
“So you keep saying. I don’t recall an appointment.  What’s this about?”  
  
“This, dear Cousin, is about sorting things out and allowing life to return to normal around here.”  
  
“I’m tripping over my slippers,”  Pippin complained as Merry hurried him along.  “I’m in my dressing gown.  What sort of appointment can I have if I’m not dressed?  I didn’t sleep last night.  My wife is furious with most of our guests and I haven’t had breakfast.  What is so important?”  
  
*************  
  
“I don’t understand, Sam.  I have to prepare breakfast.”  
  
“Rose tells me that Estella’s done that for you.”  He was holding her arm and escorting her toward her bedroom.  “You just wait in there and directly, everything will be clear to you.”  
  
“But how can I know what I need to do if no one tells me what it is?” Diamond objected standing in the doorway to the bedroom.  
  
“You’ll know directly.”  
  
“You’ve said that and it wasn’t helpful.”  
  
************  
  
“In you go!  Take this and read it and do what it says!” Merry ordered, placing an envelope in Pippin’s hands and  pushing him into the bedroom.  
  
Pippin regained his balance as the door slammed behind him.  He looked over to find Diamond sitting on the bed peering curiously at him.  “What is going on?” she asked.  
  
“Our guests have taken over the smial,” Pippin frowned reaching behind himself and rattling the door knob.  “And locked us in our room.”  He looked at the envelope, tore it open and read the message in Sam’s handwriting, ‘talk to her and tell her the truth’.  Pippin sighed and then looking back and at the locked door he shouted, “This is no way to treat the future Thain and his wife!”  
  
  
GW     02-16-2009  



	27. Let's Talk About Sex

 

 

 

** Title: ** ** Title: ** **"Let's Talk About Sex"  
** **Rating: PG**   
**Characters: Diamond and Pippin**   
**Prompt:** **Prompt #1 'cloak'**  
 **Author's Note:** **What should have happened about 15 prompts ago.**

 

 

“I’ll start, since Merry claims *this* is my fault.”  
  
“What’s your fault?”   
  
“Diamond, I love you.  If you left me, it would kill me,” Pippin began.  “But if we have to make love three times a day for the rest my life, that will kill me.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Diamond frowned.  
  
“I’m glad you like the sleigh bed, but it seems to have sent you into a sexual frenzy.”  
  
“Me?”  She stood, eyes blazing.  “You’re the one!  Last night-”  
  
“Was Rose’s fault!”  
  
“You were already killing me!  I’m sorry you’re unhappy with our love-making, but, I can’t do any more than I already am!”  
  
“Unhappy?”  
  
“Don’t deny it!  I know why you gave me this bed.”  
  
“It’s a Yule gift.”  
  
“It‘s a hint!”  
  
“A hint?”  
  
“That you want more sex than you’re getting!”  
  
“I do not!  It’s only a bed.  It’s a very nice bed, but it’s only a bed.  I don’t hint.  Ask anyone!  I’m not that subtle.  You live with me.  I don‘t cloak my meanings in hints!  I blurt things out.  Everyone says I do.  Haven‘t I always blurted things out?”  
  
“Usually, but it’s a bed!  Most married folks think of beds as a place to make love.  You must have been thinking about making love to me when you got this,” Diamond reasoned.  
  
“I was, but not all the time,” Pippin objected.  “Sometimes I thought we’d sleep in it!”  
  
Diamond’s lips trembled.  “Then why did you give me a bed, Pippin?  We had one!”  
  
“It’s something personal.”  
  
Personal?”  
  
“I asked Merry about gifts.  He said I should give you personal things rather than useful things because it‘s more romantic.  What’s more personal than a bed?”  Pippin sighed, putting his arms around her.  “I was trying to be romantic!”  
  
“I’ll kill Merry,” Diamond muttered, hugging Pippin.  
  
  
GW        02-16-2009  
  



	28. Merry Tidings From Estella

 

 

 

** Title: ** "Merry Tidings From Estella"  
 **Rating:** G  
 **Characters:** Estella, Merry, Sam, Rose, Pippin and Diamond  
 **Prompt:** Winter Prompt #29, 'white'  
 **Author's Note:** Estella has something to say that might just save Merry's life.

 

 

“Diamond, you can’t kill Merry,” Estella grinned unlocking the door and allowing the Tooks to come out of their bedroom.  
  
“You eaves-dropped!” Diamond objected.  
  
“You were shouting.  When Tooks argue, hearing it is unavoidable,” Merry said.  
  
“I’m killing you, Merry” Diamond said striding toward him, but Estella moved between them.  
  
“We’d all heard *everything* up to this point. It’s only fair that we hear the solution,” Merry reasoned.  
  
“Hit him, Pippin,” Diamond said unable to get past Estella.  “If you love me, you’ll punch him!”  
  
“He’ll punch back.  He hits very hard, Diamond,” Pippin objected.  
  
“No one’s hitting anyone,” Sam said firmly.  “It’s settled now.  Let’s forget it happened.  I plan to put it out of my mind.”  
  
“Good luck,” Merry muttered.  
  
“I think Estella has something to say,” Rose grinned, as excited as if the news were her own.  
  
“If this, in any way, involves my personal live, please don‘t,” Pippin frowned.  “I’m very tired of that subject.”  
  
“We all are,” Sam agreed.  
  
“It’s not about you,” Estella said.  “It’s to do with Merry.”  
  
“Do I want to hear this?” Merry asked nervously, face going white.  
  
“I hope so,” Estella smiled.  “If you don’t, I don’t know what I’ll do.”  She glanced at Diamond.  “*This* is why you can’t kill, Merry.”  
  
“This had better be good,” Diamond warned.  
  
“Merry is going to be a Father,” Estella announced proudly.  
  
“I am?”  Merry‘s face split into a rather stupid grin.  
  
“Without sleeping in the sleigh bed and without any of Rose‘s grandmother‘s tonic?” Pippin quipped, grinning almost as broadly as Merry.  
  
“I’m going to be a father!”  Merry said, wrapping his arms around Estella and kissing her.  
  
“Let’s celebrate,” Diamond said, all forgiven.  
  
Sam smiled, pointing to the Brandybucks, who were locked in an embrace.  “The celebration’s already started.”  
  
  
GW      02-16-2009  
  



	29. A Fitting Solution

 

 

**Title:** “A Fitting Solution”  
 **Rating:** G  
 **Characters:** Sam and Rose  
 **Prompt:** Winter Prompt #20, 'parcel'  
 **Author's Note:**   **If you love something, sometimes you have to let it go.**

 

****“I hear we got a parcel, while I was in Bywater.  Everyone‘s talkin‘ about it.  I expected gossip about what we‘d missed while vistin‘ the Tooklands but everyone’s keen to talk about us and our parcel,” Sam said kissing Rose.  
  
“It’s too big to call a parcel,” Rose giggled taking Sam’s hand and leading him into the guestroom.    
  
“How did this get here?” Sam marvelled.  
  
“The Thain’s heir sent a team ‘o four hobbits to cart it in,” Rose grinned.  “Very grand but no card, just four strapplin’ lads and a waggon.  They had it in and assembled in minutes.  The children were so excited. I like to never got them settled down.  Elanor wanted *this* in her room.”  
  
“Over my dead body,” Sam objected.  
  
“That’s what I said.”  
  
“So Pippin decided to give us his problem, did he?” Sam grinned  
  
“Maybe he decided to give it to someone that knew what to do with it,” Rose winked.  “Those two have no business with this grand bed.”  
  
“They need a starter-bed,” Sam suggested.  “Something they can use until they work up to this.  Why didn’t you put it in our room?”  
  
“Three of our little ones were born in our bed.  I can’t part with it even for something this grand.  Besides, we didn’t have a bed in this room.  I figure we can still make use of it any time we like.”    
  
“Pippin and Diamond are comin’  for a visit in the spring.  I can’t wait to see the expression on Pippin’s face when we show him to *this* guest room,” Sam chuckled.  
  
“Sam, that‘s not nice,”  Rose giggled.  She looked at the bed and lifted one eyebrow.  “The children are asleep.”  
  
Smiling back at her, Sam began to unbutton his shirt.  The sleigh bed had a new home.  
  
THE END  
  
GW    02-15-2009  


 


End file.
